Broken World

I live in a broken world

Where I am scared every time there are footsteps that pass my classroom followed by a baritone voice boom

Waiting with halting breathing for the clapping sound of bullets on tile floors

And I just pray that the teacher has locked our doors

I live in a restrained world where I am so open with my religion that it’s transparent

Because I cannot love people and also love God at the same time without having to put my bible out of eye line

And I cannot say that what you are doing is sin because we are all free

but this broken world doesn’t understand that the sin only applies to my life, not what I see

I withhold judgement upon all others because I am no better

I am a sinner to the letter

I live in a world that is pretty on the outside but inside we have died

We have lied and cried and have to hide our true selves to mold this ceramic versions of ourselves to fit society

There’s no end to the fee

The fees that we pay to mold our fat cheeks and thick thighs and hourglass bodies before someone says you have passed the test

You are the best

But this ceramic body you have forced yourself into is snug

The hole is dug and you are stuck under numbers that rate your beauty by body, shoe, and clothes size,

and no one even cares if the sparkle has left your eyes

I live in a world where love thy neighbor is shouted from the rooftops

But if it’s same sex love, then they’re persecuted and this so called love stops

Where we see a one way street of love but how can we

when my heart beats every time I meet a new friend?

How can the ignorant start to say they know the heart of love

When my God says the most important command isn’t definitely to judge like we stand above

Because I have seen true love, I’ve caught a glimpse

And I can tell you right now it’s not as simple as girl meets boy there’s more to each story.

So before you stand on your throne you ignorant bastard, take a step back and look for the true heart of what God taught us to do

To love another no matter what they choose.

I live in a world where we want color on our tv but not on our skin

Where if you yank your child away from a black man you are racist

but if you take him from a white man you are protecting them

We all bleed the same but at the end of the day the death toll still reads ten

then add thousands more

this rocks me to my white skinned core

Because the person you kill has families and daughters and sons and mothers and fathers

we forget that red and blue once meant safety

And now every time someone is pulled over I check to see the color of their skin

because I am scared that it will be the face of my beautiful mocha colored best friend

You don’t have to worry is what she likes to say

But I owe ten of my twenty years of life to her

and I am scared because she is only 50 percent white

and even though she is polite

they will only see 50 percent of my beautiful mocha best friend.

I live in a world where I am ashamed of 15/16 percent of the white skinned blood that runs through my veins

Because ignorance is genetic and I don’t want that disease to cloud my eyes

They are all lies,

so I hold on to my 1/16 of Native American blood and let it fuel me

This is what they see

White on white

Black on black

White on black

This is fact

Crime may be the same to the ignorant but how dare you say that our history doesn’t matter, white man?

Color of skin is just darkened pigment,

genetic to race,

but has caused death for millions

For billions

And I am ashamed

I live in a closed off world where everybody is defensive and why can’t transgenders use my bathroom?

I am a Christian and the Lord is my Lord but I won’t judge a man or woman by their decisions to live

That is not the love I am supposed to give

Just give them a separate bathroom the ignorant says to me

And I say can’t you see

This is discriminate, I’m not giving into it.

I’m not going to take part in the same crime we did to a race with different skin color 50 years ago because we think white means power

Because it sounds to me like you are all cowards.

And I see the Black Lives Matter is not the only problem we face today in this broken world.

I live in a broken world where I am torn against supporting my cop heavy family

but I can’t deny the fact that I cry every time I see a black man, woman, or child get killed when it is unjust.

There is no middle ground for me

I am two halves torn in two, and I can’t speak for either side without being racist or ignorant because this is a broken world.

If you look up love in the dictionary, this four letter world

You’ll see it spelled differently

H-A-T-E are the letters you’ll see and I am in tears because I fear

I fear for the black children I see playing with my white child on the playground when I see the glares of ignorant people

I fear they will grow not knowing how to spell love

And I fear my white child will grow up not knowing how to show it

Because this generation has made a barrier they cannot break

Broken world, tear down these walls of segregation

Know that Black Lives Matter is not to separate or spread hate but to be heard

And that if I say All Lives Matter it’s because I want to be united with my mocha best friend

Not to offend or to pretend that what is happening today

isn’t not a repeat of 1968 because it is

I don’t want her to be black and me to be white

I want to bleed with her and know she is my favorite person in the whole world

and the color of her skin is just another thing I find beautiful about her

I want cops to stop shooting and people to stop hating and protesting

because we only get one broken world and if we burn it down in flames

Realize that we don’t even know each other’s names

We are killing color with no name

and if we were all color blind what would color matter

What would pigment mean

How would color be seen?

Let the men be her and the women be him

They are not monsters, they are just lost in a body, by darkness

I will not be ignorant to the transgender washing their hands next to me

Because God’s greatest command above all others was to love one ANOTHER.

Let my religion be my own, and not transparent

I promise you that not every Christian you meet will act or be arrogant.

Take out your dictionary and look up the word love

Now look up hate and see how close they are

How easily we can stretch the lines so far

Like and dislike.

Come to the middle, broken world.

Know that people have jobs to do and that 3/5 women are sexually assaulted but 70% don’t report it.

Look for the real crime and start there in this hurting earth

Bring love a new birth

Let hate go into the wind, and I promise broken world we can make it through this, we will mend.