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Own It

Very useful advice that everyone should read!

Notes From a Red Pill Girl

Are you owning your life?

Its a deceptively easy question, yet one that can also strike to the core.  Many today would prefer to blame others or circumstance than take ownership for life being less than they want.

Sure, some are born into more wealth, or a more stable family, the right connections, or have more smarts. But even these people eventually have to pick up the ball of life and run with it, or not.

So if the life you want isn’t the life you have, own it. Look within and identify what YOU can do to bring the two as close together as possible.

Maybe some fixes are as easy as spending a few hours, others may be lifelong projects. But they will never materialize without you owning them and taking the steps necessary to manifest them.

Wishing isn’t doing.

Maybe you will have to change habits, step…

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Sunflower

I used to love a dancer

She twisted and twirled across my eyes

Her relevé was my undoing

Smoke rose from her feet as she spun

My heart intertwined with her hair

The wisps tickled my eardrums

And drew around me like a shelter

I used to love a dancer

The grass indented as she leapt

Telling our story with her green stained toes

Her glass skin reflected in the weeds

Growing sunflowers beneath her red stained lips

They wilted as she danced from me

Yellow painted reflections fragmented into pieces as I made her mine

I used to love a dancer

Before she circled my body like a song and left me in a bed of wilted sunflowers

Creature

Oh my god this is divine, like pure word sex. Loved it.

Megha's World

Close down all the doors
bring down all the bridges
put up all the walls
cut down all the ties
make every effort for me to forget it

I’ll keep rummaging my soul
to look for bits and pieces of you
No matter how much it hurts
No matter how much the
pain pours

With this sunken eyes in my sockets
hiding years of pain and regret
and with pallid face
under the old dark moon
I’ll keep foraging the
memories of you

Picking at the scab of
my marred and broken soul
I’ll keep knocking
on your door

See, you just cannot
leave me like this
You just cannot
make me forget it
Darling!,
as you already know
I’m a creature of habit.

This post is in response to the daily prompt  Creature

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Shepard

His hand covers mine like a bear tending to her cubs

Warm and alive,

under my shaking fingers

My hands have always been bigger than the others but

my palm is but a child in his.

a sheep led home by its Shepard

I’ve always been heavier than the others

Trying to curl my body into the folds of itself to be smaller than the one laying behind me

(If I could achieve this I’d be safe)

But the only music that played at nights was a pounding heart and clammy skin

Like answered prayers we’re taught to blindly believe in,

my Shepard breaks a stick with just his fingertip tips and my mind tries to understand

Comprehend how a hand can be soft and strong at the same time

Because I’ve never had both in the same bed

And when my Shepard pulls my body against him the lines of his muscles and curves of his bones reach out

They whisper my name and wrap their pulsing heat around me and I am safe in this embrace

This place I’ve never been before

my heart is calm as the expanse of his hand spreads across the length of my stomach

And I am amazed

My Shepard expels fire from his lungs onto wood like a dormant dragon

His eyes ignite with smoke and his laugh sparks flames across my shoulders as I gaze at the miracle next to me

The moon dips its head in approval and the stars sparkle with excitement

My teasing words hold so much truth behind them I almost choke

It’s been so long since I’ve loved love that i can’t kiss it into his ears just yet

But his eyes know as they hold mine, as they hold out a hand and take mine to dance with two left feet

My Shepard is a man.

I realize the others before have been but carbon copies.

Not like my copyrighted Shepard

He leads his lamb to cotton mattresses and flickering lamp lights

My words are nothing but black liquid ink running down my arms

Stinging permanent tattoos that weave our bodies together like an undiscovered galaxy

My Shepard names each star,

each unfounded moon that is the skin of my body

We walk down the path of meteors with our feet on fire and ash in our lungs

He kisses the smoke into my mouth and I can see through the reflection of his eyes,

that he is in not like the others.

Because he is the Shepard who leads me home on soft grass,

and a summer sunrise.

Calm Before the Storm

Just let it fall

The rain behind the clouds in my eyes

The thunderstorm brewing in my ears

The hurricane in my mind

Just say my name and quiet the storms

Still the snowfall down the hollow of my throat, the tornadoes down my spine

Sing a lullaby and pull my earthquake eyelids to sleep

Strum your fingers down my icy lakes and tsunami lips

Stroke your hand through my lava hair and reduce it to ash

Catch my meteor hands and let them wander

Douse the fire licking up my legs, and destroy my planetary body

Pull my tsunami lips to yours and shatter the rain from behind my eyes

Set off the thunderstorm in my ears

Call the hurricane inside my mind,

and release the snowfall from the hollow of my throat

Spin the tornados down the shiver of my spine

And wake my earthquake eyelids from their slumber

Tickle your fingers up my roaring waters and ocean lips

Pull my lava hair and light it on fire

Just let my meteor hands wander

Align my planetary body,

ignite the fire burning a path along my legs

Say my name and free the storms that only speak for you.

Broken World

I live in a broken world

Where I am scared every time there are footsteps that pass my classroom followed by a baritone voice boom

Waiting with halting breathing for the clapping sound of bullets on tile floors

And I just pray that the teacher has locked our doors

I live in a restrained world where I am so open with my religion that it’s transparent

Because I cannot love people and also love God at the same time without having to put my bible out of eye line

And I cannot say that what you are doing is sin because we are all free

but this broken world doesn’t understand that the sin only applies to my life, not what I see

I withhold judgement upon all others because I am no better

I am a sinner to the letter

I live in a world that is pretty on the outside but inside we have died

We have lied and cried and have to hide our true selves to mold this ceramic versions of ourselves to fit society

There’s no end to the fee

The fees that we pay to mold our fat cheeks and thick thighs and hourglass bodies before someone says you have passed the test

You are the best

But this ceramic body you have forced yourself into is snug

The hole is dug and you are stuck under numbers that rate your beauty by body, shoe, and clothes size,

and no one even cares if the sparkle has left your eyes

I live in a world where love thy neighbor is shouted from the rooftops

But if it’s same sex love, then they’re persecuted and this so called love stops

Where we see a one way street of love but how can we

when my heart beats every time I meet a new friend?

How can the ignorant start to say they know the heart of love

When my God says the most important command isn’t definitely to judge like we stand above

Because I have seen true love, I’ve caught a glimpse

And I can tell you right now it’s not as simple as girl meets boy there’s more to each story.

So before you stand on your throne you ignorant bastard, take a step back and look for the true heart of what God taught us to do

To love another no matter what they choose.

I live in a world where we want color on our tv but not on our skin

Where if you yank your child away from a black man you are racist

but if you take him from a white man you are protecting them

We all bleed the same but at the end of the day the death toll still reads ten

then add thousands more

this rocks me to my white skinned core

Because the person you kill has families and daughters and sons and mothers and fathers

we forget that red and blue once meant safety

And now every time someone is pulled over I check to see the color of their skin

because I am scared that it will be the face of my beautiful mocha colored best friend

You don’t have to worry is what she likes to say

But I owe ten of my twenty years of life to her

and I am scared because she is only 50 percent white

and even though she is polite

they will only see 50 percent of my beautiful mocha best friend.

I live in a world where I am ashamed of 15/16 percent of the white skinned blood that runs through my veins

Because ignorance is genetic and I don’t want that disease to cloud my eyes

They are all lies,

so I hold on to my 1/16 of Native American blood and let it fuel me

This is what they see

White on white

Black on black

White on black

This is fact

Crime may be the same to the ignorant but how dare you say that our history doesn’t matter, white man?

Color of skin is just darkened pigment,

genetic to race,

but has caused death for millions

For billions

And I am ashamed

I live in a closed off world where everybody is defensive and why can’t transgenders use my bathroom?

I am a Christian and the Lord is my Lord but I won’t judge a man or woman by their decisions to live

That is not the love I am supposed to give

Just give them a separate bathroom the ignorant says to me

And I say can’t you see

This is discriminate, I’m not giving into it.

I’m not going to take part in the same crime we did to a race with different skin color 50 years ago because we think white means power

Because it sounds to me like you are all cowards.

And I see the Black Lives Matter is not the only problem we face today in this broken world.

I live in a broken world where I am torn against supporting my cop heavy family

but I can’t deny the fact that I cry every time I see a black man, woman, or child get killed when it is unjust.

There is no middle ground for me

I am two halves torn in two, and I can’t speak for either side without being racist or ignorant because this is a broken world.

If you look up love in the dictionary, this four letter world

You’ll see it spelled differently

H-A-T-E are the letters you’ll see and I am in tears because I fear

I fear for the black children I see playing with my white child on the playground when I see the glares of ignorant people

I fear they will grow not knowing how to spell love

And I fear my white child will grow up not knowing how to show it

Because this generation has made a barrier they cannot break

Broken world, tear down these walls of segregation

Know that Black Lives Matter is not to separate or spread hate but to be heard

And that if I say All Lives Matter it’s because I want to be united with my mocha best friend

Not to offend or to pretend that what is happening today

isn’t not a repeat of 1968 because it is

I don’t want her to be black and me to be white

I want to bleed with her and know she is my favorite person in the whole world

and the color of her skin is just another thing I find beautiful about her

I want cops to stop shooting and people to stop hating and protesting

because we only get one broken world and if we burn it down in flames

Realize that we don’t even know each other’s names

We are killing color with no name

and if we were all color blind what would color matter

What would pigment mean

How would color be seen?

Let the men be her and the women be him

They are not monsters, they are just lost in a body, by darkness

I will not be ignorant to the transgender washing their hands next to me

Because God’s greatest command above all others was to love one ANOTHER.

Let my religion be my own, and not transparent

I promise you that not every Christian you meet will act or be arrogant.

Take out your dictionary and look up the word love

Now look up hate and see how close they are

How easily we can stretch the lines so far

Like and dislike.

Come to the middle, broken world.

Know that people have jobs to do and that 3/5 women are sexually assaulted but 70% don’t report it.

Look for the real crime and start there in this hurting earth

Bring love a new birth

Let hate go into the wind, and I promise broken world we can make it through this, we will mend.

Remington

Have you ever tried to explain the horse track that has been dug into our necks and diagnosed anxiety?

What I mean is the hoofbeats that use your collarbones like a hollow rut to win their race and you’re left gasping for breath

But we’re not actually physically dying so why can’t you just build a fucking bridge?

And what they really mean is that I am cursed to see the world through everybody else’s glassy eyed view but it doesn’t matter to another if they cannot see it too

So have you ever tried to put a finger to the horses that gallop across your neck, hoping you’ll lasso them with shots of dark rum and too many chain smoked cigarettes?

Anxiety is a kingdom I have been to before and all its subjects wear masks of surface words because we’re all too fucked up to say what we mean.

What if I told you, friends, that none of us hold our secrets very well?

It hides in every corner of each smile, every breath, we take to cower behind our metaphoric conversations that we say are,

simply politics.

But what if we talked about the politics that are our unstable hearts instead?

The hearts that beat out of sync with no rhythm or time to even write a decent poem line

I had to rip open the scars of my past lovers and look down at a childhood plate full of no self-worth but plenty of calories just to convince myself I had not taken my life that one night.

My traitorous heart offers no comfort or reassurance as he sits across from me and I can feel the beat like our Oklahoman summer night heat.

It’s like those ten sweet seconds awaking from sleep and knowing you are safe, and suddenly remembering what it was like that one time you were woken up and

safety was trampled by a horse in a race you didn’t even know you’d began.

What I mean is how can you tell someone that you can see the world ending while they stare at the pixels on a screen and can’t even understand the music of the beat?

What I mean is how can you tell someone that there is grenade on your neck, exploding over and over and over

and over while you try to stay upright and just try to survive?

What I mean is how can you try to explain to someone what it means to have known a demon on earth and your nightmares are now his playground?

What I mean is how can you tell me that my feelings are wrong when they are the same feelings that help me choose to love you every single day?

What I mean is how can you scream silence while my lungs drown in cigarettes and medication just to numb the vibrations in my neck?

Have you ever tried to explain that knot that sits in between your heart, the one that wraps around your throat like an ice cold hand that’s been left hanging out a rolled down window too long?

Don’t.

Because no matter how hard you try,

a horse will always beat a human.

S.A.D.

SAD

I am holding onto sanity with bleeding fingernails

Lingering right off this edge

I feel pushing on the center of my chest like pressurized air

I cannot breathe I cannot breathe I cannot

Sleep is a figment of imagination

Dancing around my eyelids and flirting with my desperate attempts to escape from reality

This chain and ball on my ankle has named itself and seated next to me while I smoke pack after pack of menthol cigarettes

My fingers drum continuously against the side of my leg hoping for some remnant of pain hidden behind denim jeans years ago

Stone eyes weigh down my head and spin my golden threaded spine with nightmares of the past I thought I’d left behind

And I only remember when I startle awake because I think the monster has returned from behind his red curtain

Glass hands filled with smoke shake as I try to wash away the pictures in my mind that flicker like old film

I can only speak through eighth notes, every heartbeat on rest

I can only scream through poetry because emotions don’t exist off the page

I cannot breathe I cannot

From what hell has this darkness risen to take me prisoner?

What depth of my sane in sane mind?

I have learned to keep my monsters under the bed where they belong but I am a child again and now I have fear once more

I should not have hidden them there

They whisper promises of calamity and sanity until I’m leaning over with my fingers at the edge of the bed, clutching tightly

But I’ve clutched so tightly that blood drips and my monsters hiss in delight

The film flickers so fast I cannot even pause or rewind or begin to forget as I remember what was taken from me to make the scenes behind my brain

I cannot breathe

Numbing cold and white noise beckons me under so I take the hand of darkness

It’s like holding the hand of an old friend as he passes me a cigarette laced with dreams and sleep

Slumber so wonderful it taints my eyelids aquamarine and my voice vibrates yellow as if burned by the sun

Sun that breeds light travels down my trachea to the center of my chest and blooms into a sunflower

Warmth like fire races in my veins and I realize it is oxygen

I can breathe

Snow globe

Fluid clears from the depths of my eardrums like bouquets of cotton

I can see you clearly now

And my skin screams like it’s been a fire for a cold campfire night

Your glass fingers cut my shoulders, eliciting a trail of clear glitter water to trickle down our bodies

My eyes leak lakes of melted snow down my ruby red cheeks, cracked and dry

Your eyes darken like shadows that have chased my childhood daydreams, and your hands drag me closer as mine fight to dance away

You are not the prince I thought you were, here to kiss the cursed princess in her snow globe to bring back the sun

You have only brought back more snow and icy throats filled with shards of fear that is not so foggy anymore

I can see the closet hidden in the dark room behind your eyes and I know I have only started my horror movie

And I’ve realized something

I am not the brunette that survives

I am the blonde slut that always dies

And I wish to go back to my snow globe now please

to be an underwater spectacle

To be used, rather than nothing at all.

Empathy

When they lose control, blood boils in my empathetic veins and in my sympathetic pains

Lava spills out of my fingers and colors the end of my cigarette

I fight the darkness like decay seduces a crow and still an open window awakes my skin each morning

Evil drags her claws through honey colored sunshine that illuminates my cloudy Tuesdays

She tells me to drag nails down my legs so that I don’t take a knife to the man sitting next to me, trying to push his boundaries

I may see the purest side of the sun, dripping through my eyelids like the gold eyeshadow that stains my fingertips,

But my eyes see the shadows that linger under the black, colorless trees of night.

The darkness likes to caress me like a dirty whore desperate under a sightless moon

She cries as she sees through cloudy blue eyes because she knows

Knows that I have the darkest cape of the kingdom and yet I curtesy for lords and ladies like a make believe princess,

Hating the ones brave enough that play the villains.

Little Lion

Weep little lion for you’ll never have your heart of courage

Weep little lion for you’ll never lunge like a tundra cat like you once did before

Brace yourself, you’ve wasted all your time fixing all these problems that you’ve logically excused in your own head

But if the fault was not yours, then whose was it but mine?

You’ve really fucked it up this time

Because it was your heart on the line

And did I mind, dear?

Did I?

Cower little lion, remember you’ve seen this all before

Cower little lion you’ll never win like this now can’t you see?

You throw grace in my face, your pride stands alone in this burning train wreck

Now for once listen to your elders or we’ll spend the rest of our days biting our own tongues

And if the fault was not yours, then whose was it but mine?

You’ve really fucked it up this time.

Because it was your heart on the line

And did I mind, lover?

Did I?